Violence ruined my life: Four months into recovery 

When I was young, everything was chaotic. My father used to beat me for everything, even if it was not my fault. I could never relax at home, so school would be the only time that I was not on edge. I was drawn to negative people, such as children of divorced parents and children of alcoholics. Whatever I felt, I would let it out. I would leave the house as much as I could. I would even beat up the first person I saw when I left the house, without hesitation.

Then my teachers started hitting me, and I stopped going to school for seven months. However, I would not go home, either. Sometimes, I would tell my family I was going to pray, but I never did. I just did not want to be around them. I was living in anxiety and I couldn’t wait to grow older.

I started drinking at 14; I was constantly living in a state of fear and anxiety. I would get caught drinking, because of the smell of alcohol, and I would be beaten up. So I started searching for a substance that would give a similar kick, but without the smell.

At 16, I started smoking hashish. I continued to get beaten, often violently. I started using heroin, and soon enough, I was contemplating hanging myself. The culture we live in promotes the ideas that 'whatever you do, it is because you want to'. Drug abuse is not a disease, and there is no treatment. It happens because you are not a man'.

When my grandmother died, nobody told me. When I confronted them, they said I was an embarrassment and they didn’t want me around them. I was done, and tired. My brother was compassionate towards me and offered me help. When I was taken to the clinic, I decided I was going to take as many pills and leave. But I didn’t, and now I’m here. Because of the programme, I know my behaviour was because of my abusive childhood, and now I am a changed man.

I didn’t want my son to be like my father: Three months into recovery

My father was an alcoholic and was very violent. When I was around 15, I noticed that my father was having multiple affairs. I started drinking around that same age, and my family decided that getting me married would help. However, the seed had already been planted in my head.

I continued to drink and started cheating on my wife and beating her. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I would forget the things I had done the next morning. I would steal my wife's gold jewellery that I had bought for her, with my own money!

My brothers tried to intervene and would constantly beat me. I decided then that I couldn’t recover. I didn’t understand why I kept going back to using drugs. I had many personalities at that time, but none of them were mine. Even when I went to prison, I promised myself I would never go back to that life.

I never thought that treatment and recovery could be between two addicts. I started using drugs with addicts, and now I can get clean with them. One day, someone stood up for me in front of my family and said: ‘Don’t blame him, it’s not his fault.’ I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I didn’t understand why I was doing the things I did. I didn’t know why I had no control. Then I realised that the problem was not the drug, but me.

The centre and the programme made me confront myself. I was scared that my son would acquire the behaviour of my father. They were all learnt behaviours. I thank God that I am an addict because I care now, perhaps, more than I would if I had never gone through this journey. My brother used to beat me when I would tell him that I am an addict, but now I have solutions, thanks to the centre and the programme.

I couldn’t find love or God: Five months into recovery

I came from an average family, just like everybody else. When I was five, my father died but nobody told me until I was 11. They just said that he went away for a job. I suffered from emotional neglect. I had a void in my soul. I isolated myself from everyone, anywhere I went. I looked for a father's love from my uncle and everyone else, but never got it. There was no love and no God in my life.

I was beaten for everything, and even when I made a mistake I was violently smacked across the face. I was drawn to negativity. I had no drug of choice, I just took whatever was in front of me. I changed from being filled with fear and insecurities to being violent and enraged. Drugs really helped me deal with life at that time.

When it came to religion, I would attack anyone who mentioned that word. But it turns out that my problem was not religion, but was my insecurities since childhood. When I realised that, my mentality completed changed. I was sent to around 20 different rehabs, but it was all useless before this realisation.

I have a disease, and it is not something shameful. This is the first time I am getting clean in Oman, and it is right next to my house. Today, I pray because I want to. All I am looking for is inner peace. I think it is really important that recovering addicts help active addicts. After all, my own mother could not understand me.

Source: Timesofoman