Terminating Toxic People

Assistant Professor of Psychology, offers the best professional psychological advice and answers your questions regarding wellbeing. We all have had our share of these types, even if we didn’t have the label at the time, their toxicity would have been felt. They come from all cultural backgrounds, races and ages. The family member that contributes nothing but criticism; the friend who drains our energy every time they come around and the colleague who causes you to have a full body rash with each encounter. Toxic people erode our self esteem and have a negative impact on us because they are insecure, needy, aggressive, judgmental, need to be center of attention, self absorbed and narcissistic. They are exceptionally skilled at turning a perfectly good day into a miserable occasion because, well, you may never really be sure why but the poisonous repercussion of their actions and words vibrates deeply as they spew their lethal sentiments all over the place. These people are hard to identify and we often blame ourselves for the negative encounter. They usually attach themselves to kind and generous people. After continuous contact and repetitive interaction we eventually realize that certain people have the ability to contaminate our thoughts and overall mood. However spotting them isn’t always easy since they are quite skilled at manipulation, getting defensive, avoiding blame and criticism and turning tables when it comes to confrontations. Gradually their ill intentions and true nature is revealed, slowly exposing their underlying toxic. Below is a list of the most common toxic types. The Sociopath – The sociopath completely disregards the rights and feelings of others, and is incapable of experiencing remorse, shame or guilt. They lack empathy and sympathy, are devoid of a conscience, and derive pleasure from others’ suffering. But they can be very charming, charismatic, and almost cast a spell over their victims. The Pathological Liar – This type lacks the capacity to tell or recognize the truth. Most words out of their mouth is a lie or exaggeration and they use lies to get their way out of any difficulty. The Emotional Wreck – This type is constantly on an emotional rollercoaster and they simply can’t keep it together. Their entire life is a series of crisis and if they don’t have a crisis they will create one. Then they will talk about it endlessly and never be interested in your life, only theirs. The Putdown Artist – These people are constantly making others the butt of jokes in an attempt to deflect attention away from their own shortcomings. Their jokes are usually very cruel and abusive and no one dares to question them for fear of becoming their next target. The Haters – These people hate everyone who is nicer, smarter, richer, better connected or more successful than they are and they will constantly put others down to make themselves feel better. The Moocher – These people constantly live off of others. They ask to borrow money and everything else that you have and suddenly experience a “loss of memory” when it’s time to pay back and is never able to reciprocate a favor. The Downer – This type is always in a bad mood. In fact, they take great pains to maintain their bad mood and to broadcast it to anyone who will listen. When you try to cheer them up, or give them some positive advice, all you hear is “yes, but … ” The Gossiper -The Gossiper seeks out bad news and rumors and works overtime to make sure no one misses out on their malevolent gossiping. You know that when you are with them they will talk about everyone else behind their backs, including you. So before our psychological health has been infected by these types, here are a few steps to take to try and manage the toxic sort. • Try to avoid them altogether, if possible. Otherwise limit exposure as much as possible • Make sure you wear your ‘toxic shield’ every time you are around them • Set firm boundaries and make sure they don’t offend you or your loved ones • Don’t allow them to make you feel guilty – they are masters at turning tables • Don’t try and defend yourself or get sucked into circular discussions – eventually the toxicity will pollute you • Don’t become part of their drama Unfortunately these types are highly resistant to change because they fail to acknowledge or admit their dysfunctional ways. Therefore it’s up to you to remove yourself from potentially toxic encounters. Seek people who lift your spirits, positively impact your life and nurture the relationship rather than sabotage it.